Wednesday, April 27, 2011

yeha buddy

long night of dishwashing... not even tired... probably a product of surrendering to the Divine in all of us. it seems like this is an ongoing theme in the mind... I have been observing it for a while now, maybe this is just from the knowledge i've received from people and all of the quotes i've red on the web and on facebook, but I am beginning to think that these words are starting to sink in.

i'm listening to music right now - probably one of the reasons i am writing this post. i think that i tend to lose all online inhibitions when i'm listening to music, it's as though whatever comes to mind just comes out on the computer whilst listening to music.. this could be just an illusion. but, i think it's for the best.. just expression.. i will look back and be happy.

but - back to the energy... it's somewhat strange, i meditate twice a day and energy is unfathomably unlimited, i don't need monster energy drinks or caffeinated drinks or speed or anything, in fact even the though of taking those things puts me in a discomfortable situation. yeah yeah, i'm not superman, i don't claim to be similar, but looking back on today it's as though i got up and just ENERGIZER bunnied everything. in fact - i will write the summary of the day's events.

i awoken, to read from some holy scriptures (yeha, that might sounds weird, but we all do it at 1 point or another), and i did some spiritual practices (yeah, you know, where i just sit and calm the mind [body] spirit.) I learned all of the spiritual practices from my Mom and the Art of Living Foundation, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar teaches sudarshan kriya, and this meditation practice called Sahaj Samadhi. It's really quite profound and amazing, as a child i always though of meditation as somewhat strange, but also cool, but as i was taught what is actually practices, i began to understand and actually enjoy doing it.

Well, the basic idea is that i go into deep rest, and that pretty much sums it up, best possible simple explanation. So, keeping this in mind, i went on to the rest of the days activities.

i went to school and did an extemporaneous speech, having only three minutes to prepare i regard it is extremely successful, the topic being 'friendship'. i split up the words 'friend' and 'ship' and said something about the ship setting sail and landing, and i got a big applause and i felt really happy afterward. then, i went to another class and busted out a 100 wpm test, then came home, meditated again, and went to work to dish wash for 5 hours. so, it was quite a day, and even now, i don't feel tired.

This might sound somewhat arrogant or something or douchy, but i surrender it all to the Divine, and just let things be, whatever words i write are OK because I forgive myself, mentally forgiven, and also people around me that make impressions good or bad.

And so, listening to the music given to me by a coworker during a secret santa exchange (thank you so much for this indie awesome playlist! [you are attractive]), i decided to write this blog post, and hopefully in the future i will keep doing it, because i like this blog. it's nice to have another website to go to other then facebook or yahoo, and i guess it is also nice that i no longer play world of warcraft, al though that was a very fun game. shout out to my cousin living in chicago, also my dad, mom, kitchen chef..and many people.. if you guys know who i am then: YAY!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

in love

The brass horn of a trumpet sounded through the hills. A majestic roar of humble horses, drummers beating the leather to dust, blasting into the seemingly endless space of hilly, grassy terrain. Wind blows from tree to tree, sheep to sheep, reminding them of the delicate ocean that lay miles away. People gathered around a small clearing of bushes and a field of grass and sat down. The wind blew through their hair and into their ears. A gentle cry from a nearby horse rang out as though a bell had just been rung, but lightly, very lightly... As they sat down they began pondering the sky.. The clouds. The sky had not rained in days yet the rain seemed undesirable for them, at the moment. They were very contemplative, almost like children who had overtaken a quiet spell. The nature of what mood they were in, after frolicking the fields and nearby forested area, brought them to a very still, statue-like order, although their thoughts were not so still. A brisk smile rested gently on their faces, portraying a deep rest, entertaining to any nearby onlooker a scene of gentle thoughts, positive ones as if stacked onto each other like the construction of a log cabin, Each log, delicately, positively simple, each orderly placed creating a concrete, homey log cabin. as seconds glided by, their bodies began moving, like a soft twitch, a small bird was inside looking, formulating strategies to get out. A finger softly petted the grass, along with the bare feet gently stroking through individual blades of grass. as insects began recognizing the scent of sweet creatures, an adventurous will overtook them, and bugs of unknown race began journeying to find food for the energy of a days work. The wind began pushing, like a boxer and a punching bag, its strength began growing although its purpose unknown.
As the wind grew in passion the clouds got darker, moving faster, and the trees rustled and moved to each measurable force of air. The leaves created a soft noise, and for the resters, created a joyful balance to offset the partial anger of the wind. The bugs seemingly jumped at the weather's prompt surge, responding in a timely manner simply by moving faster, picking up the pace. The soil underneath each blade of grass prickled with excitement, in nervous anticipation of the smooth yet constant touch that is brough by a rain storm. As the wind grew in energy, so did the bugs, and the trees began blowing from one place to another. The restful youth started looking into each pair of eyes, as though they also knew a storm would come, being in such a delicate yet natural state. One of the three girls stood up, abandoning her pose of lying on her stomach with her head resting softly in her hands, observing each blade of grass. As she stood up, so did both girls, as did both young men, with the delicate feeling of inspiration. One of the girls, as she had been sitting Indian style with hands resting lightly behind her on the ground, eyes directed at the sky, took a deep breath: inhale - light as a feather exhale - as she started prouncing for about four seconds, she quickly looked back at her friends with a look that is worth a thousand words, but most importantly exclaimed to the four other youth: 'Let's Run!'
Thunder snapped through the sky like a knife stabbing a pillow, and a sewer by trade refilling it, sewing it back together. Soft yet bright fits of lightning changed the shade of the leaves and the sky, creating a natural neon color that was so recently being observed by the restful youth. Trees blew in the direction wanted by the wind, and as the bushes began moving so did the five youth, as the chased after the young girl headed towards the woods. Although their run was slow as a brisk jog, their minds were completely centered in the moment, almost as a blender filled with the fear of the storm, the anticipation of the rain, the health of youth un-tainted by the adventures of teenage hood. A blender filled with these feelings & thoughts ready to make a vibrant smoothy, in the process of making one. The soil prickled up and the leaves turned over, the trees although emotionless became overcome with enthusiasm. As the five children entered the small wooded area they had once explored, they looked back and observed a down pour unlike any other, droplets of water unique but un-point-out-able, for thousands upon thousands of rain drops landed each second spawning wonderment and divine awe in each youthful soul.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Thoughts on Existence

as i have been being in this world for many years now, well, about 19, i have come across many people, many thoughts and ideas, many musical instruments and vibrations coming from the computer that have projected a rhythm. i come to blogspot on this very night out of pondering, out of questions... out of mere wonder of what this world and what this existence has in store for me and every human being. as i have been meditating for almost two years now, or at least have been in that state of awareness (have felt joy and healing with the power of closing the eyes and embracing thoughts, inhaling and exhaling), i have come to question some of the concepts brought forth from people that are not my parents. also, not just from the period of time that i have been meditating, but the entire life, i have come up with some concepts on my own. as i look back to an extremely eventful [at least in the brain] , life, i recall that i have experienced the roller coaster that is mood swings, although arguably not the most intense one.

although i have kept it from being on paper for the longest time, as some past experiences are so deep and personal that i felt they are unsharable, i am now letting it go, letting all inner brain workings come out on the computer screen. now, i recognize that some of this is just a matter of the fact that i could have been in a state of extreme toxins, or that i am currently hiding beneath a curtain of fear, but i think the opposite, that all thoughts, all actions, and all images and forms of light are projections of God, or the Divine, or What?, or Consciousness.

now, what i just said might have been a little unfamiliar, or it may have been familiar, just caused a little discomfort. i understand this, as when i am watching videos, or reading, and i hear or see these words repeated many times, i start to feel a little unsettled. one thing that i believe to be true, is that all people all humans are dealing with similar issues, in that although i may not be diagnosed with schizophrenia, i have met and talked with someone who is [or considers them self to be one] although i may not know it. now, this may cause some confusion, (as it does for me), as i have not fully grasped it, but that my problem, is also yours, as we are both living in the exact same moment- and in this moment, if i am asked how i am feeling NOW, or i ask the mind how i am feeling NOW, i experience no thoughts.. it is as though i am feeling nothing, thinking nothing, just living,... being. and, with this, i go back to the previous statement that what one human experiences is on the exact same scale as another, in other words, that man is in the same boat as I am, we're all in this together, he doesn't have it worse off, etc.

Now, this might seem like rambling, but it comes from a Human Being who was in a mental hospital, diagnosed with bi-polar, with thoughts ranging from this to that, left to right, blah blah blah but it all is very deep and profound.

let's start with the first thing - left and right. left is interesting as is right. one of my most profound memories is when i was walking home one day, i had just ran laps and laps around the high school track, (about 13 as i remember, each one about 90 seconds with about a 45 second break for water and walking), and i would do deep breathing with each pace of running, something known as ujaiy (a breathing exercise) breath. after it was over, i would get a little bit of water, give the body a nice little massage, meanwhile thoughts as loud as ever before, and continue pacing around the field. finally, after this many, thinking my coach would be mad if i stopped, as he had said earlier that we should go as much as we can, i started walking away to pick up my shirt. then, a mormon, or a fellow student who consider's them self mormon, runs up to me and says, are you sure you want to quit? this is when i do not recall whether i quit or not, but after this experience, i had to walk home (about 4 miles, as i was unable to get a ride). the entire day, i had almost less then a liter of water, and i started walking home, no water bottle in hand. also, as i recall i had just a bite of a sandwich, and a little bit of trailmix to eat (this is all i remember eating the entire day.) so it was about 5 P.M. in the nighttime, i was walking home with colorful sunglasses (as i had seen the wresting coach wearing the previous day, during cross country practice), and i took a bite of the trailmix, a few peanuts. i gagged on that single peanut, although only throwing up a little bit, and continued walking. after about two miles, i was feeling transcendental, and i took off my sunglasses. then i began realizing things about left and right. i was walking on one of the sides (either left or right), and i started realizing that at one side, people would look at me one way, and at the other side, people would like at me the other way. now, this might seem paranoid, but it was truly profound at the time, and remains with the mind today some of the thoughts that came up during this period of truly brilliant thoughts, feelings, and pondering.

Left is change, the liberal, the artist, the one who wishes to make change and the one whom is a rebel, unhappy; at that time i realized that left is the one who is unhappy but has a cause, a cause for peace, a cause for love, a cause for something and the left is the one who wants to live in a fashion that is sacrificial to self, but ambitious for humanity, left is the man stares into existence and ponders life, unwilling to live it but only to ponder it, only to come closer and closer to that realization of What life truly is, although unable to actually Do it.

i was walking from one side of the road to the other, from the sidewalk on the right, to the sidewalk on the left, and back again.

as i was on the right, i was doing what i was supposed to be doing, conforming to the rules society put forth, looking at oncoming traffic and having my back against traffic also in the right lane. this brought thoughts of cross country [and i bring connections to cross country and driving], people who run have their backs to the ones behind them, and are looking straight at the ones in front of them. this brings thoughts of capitalism, conservatism.. financial people, business men, truck drivers.. right is the concept of people living their lives, having fun and not giving a crap about social reform, hunger, well-being of any people, and doing what's in the best interest of the Self. now, as both parents (to the best of my understanding), consider themselves liberals, democrats, [or at least they claim to vote in that direction], i often question whether right is for me or not. i think of right as what is right, doing acting and thinking what is good and what is on the right track, not giving in to peer pressure and things of that nature.

so, i walked back and forth, one side to the other, and as i observed the expression on peoples face i realized more and more about right and left, these two polarities. because.. at the time, everything made sense, every thought that was a form of the english language, was a revelation bringing a higher understanding of life, bringing me to a deeper level of spirit then the person looking at me, 'judging me.' and although this might not make sense to the reader, it does to the one writing it, and that is what is so intriguing.

right and left are extremely beautiful, although i have come to understand life as a non-dual One, and often have thoughts and feelings of oneness [although it sounds transcendental and mystical and beautiful, is merely just Being in the Present Moment,] everything that is seen and smelled and heard and touched and tasted is exactly the same, it is just the lightness of the thoughts [weight-wise] and of the Being, and also what thoughts are actually coming to mind.

and, although it might just be programming by 'culture' or 'america' or 'the society', i sometimes choose to think in terms of right and left, and it may not be as profound and revelatory (probably because i am not epically dehydrated, filled with toxins and unable to eat even a peanut), but still brings depth and understanding. when i choose to think in these terms, it always makes sense, but it does take me away from the being, from the non-dual One, the Self, but it always makes sense... I often think of it in terms of things that humans need, have a natural thirst for: music, food [maybe because these are the words that surround what i do in life.]

i work in a kitchen, constantly listening to music, also play the guitar on occasion and recall some of the most blissful moments in life happening with music. also, i am constantly eating (breakfast lunch and dinner), and food tastes good, also humans really need food in order to live.. so i see and think of food as one of the most important physical aspects of life, along with music.

so, with the guitar, there's on the left - fingers that are making chords (this is what is beneath, the creator of the love, the unseen unmanifest creator of the sound.) also, even further left then this is the tuning things, [the things that you or i turn to tune the guitar], and these are even deeper in that these actually tune the strings of the guitar itself, without these basic functions the guitar is useless, and so these are even further the Creator, even further the unacting, just almost as a hand holding a puppet, not the rod that controls the fingers legs and head of the puppet, just the hand that turns and twists to control the rod. so, this is the left side of the guitar, and only for beginner guitarists (me), chords like G, Am, E, these are all on the left side, and are held for strumming. so, slowly we work our way to the right, ( I will get to the middle, probably the beautiful aspect of music). In the right, is where the strumming happens, this is the purely active aspect of music, the strum strum strum, i dont care about pain im just going to strum and pick, traditional aspect, i do this over and over only to create the sound that is wanted from the left side, from the chords. so, the right is almost just the doer, the strum over and over so i can hear different tunes, but also the right side (the strumming) can make variations on noise level, can be either light , soft, or loud, etc. so the right side is beautiful in itself, it is not just strum over and over, it secretly has aspects that are subtle and beautiful. so...

the left and right sides of the guitar, and then the middle. in the middle the strings vibrate and in the very center of these polarities the strings vibrate to make noise and slowly but surely the left and the right come together to make sound that is delicate and from the core of Being.

so, a good question to ask the Self often i ask is.. what if we just strummed without holding a chord, what if we just held chords without strumming - this brings to mind, what if there were conservatives and no liberals - liberals and no conservatives, communists and no capitalists, capitalists and no communists? now, my pondering of left and right started out of inconcievable misery out of toxins too powerful to even conceive of at this moment, but it was this pondering that is in almost the same terms as that of the holiest of holy... now, when i think of these terms of left and right it all makes sense, when im standing to the left of someone they treat me like crap, and when im standing to the right of someone - i treat them like crap. it's almost in exact terms as liberal and conservative .. almost that whenever i argued with someone in highschool, i felt (as the liberal democrat), that i was the victim. that is where spirituality comes in i am able to forget these concepts for the Moment and just live life as it should be, or as I prefer it.

so, what i learned from this escapade of typing, and what you may have learned is: i should go to bed, get some rest, meditate in the morning and hopefully be one step closer to being closer to Being, loving existence more and more, and being another step closer to marrying someone, being in love, finding peace and looking towards it... I will love someone and be able to ask them to marry, be able to make love and to conceive a child, yea i will for i imagine it, it is existent in my brain therefore it will manifest and if it doesnt so what !

but anyway - this spawns out of a couple years of meditation and being surrounded by the knowledge of saints and gurus and yogis and holy people and God, so it could seem to you like useless rambling or, if you are in a state that is similar to what I was in back in the days of the beginning of Cross Country, then all of this is uncovering the Matrix of the universe and the world and every little pixel from the exit button to the comma to the desktop screen saver makes sense and is a revelation.. so , i hope you enjoyed and that this further helps and brings us all closer to peace and love and happiness!!!! because thats what its all about, right?