Rest on the Beach

The man in the black suit walked to the beach late at night and looked out into the ocean; he was a very tall man, with bright sunglasses and a beautiful figure. His girlfriend sat next to him, slender legs and a compassionate personality, a loving mysteriousness that was beautiful only to a man that could see beauty. As they lay there on the beach looking at the stars, they wondered about life, about all of its complexities and its mysteries, and they sat and just talked about whatever came to their minds. Because they were of such distant race, religions and nationality, their culture seemed to be of complete distance, they were relatives in a very farfetched way, although they still seemed to have a connection beyond any other. As they sat listening to the birds, listening to the trees blow in the wind, they continued wondering about life. A deer quickly came from behind them, and started chewing on a piece of grass. Although they didn't notice it at first, they quickly looked back and went to see the deer. It was a beautiful deer, one that seemed to be the size of an adolescent, and it was chewing on a piece of grass, looking carefully at what might be his food. As the two lovers sat in awe at the deer, its female counterpart quickly ran over and started chewing on the same piece of grass, and making quick motions to random places in space, as it ate from the piece of grass. The romantics stared blankly at the deer as they ate their piece of grass; and then, a light flashed in the distance above them. It was a very bright light almost as though a reflection of the northern lights, although they were near the equator. As the light flashed in the sky, the two deer that were eating from the piece of grass and the two humans looked up into the sky, quickly as though the bucket of joy has just been spilled on their heads. The white light was absolutely stunning, a beautifully shaped, wonderfully romantic, stunning and grotesquely beautiful shooting start shot across the sky, blinding the eye sight of the humans. The deer looked, and kept eating, as if it were another part of space that they were looking at earlier. The two humans just stared, as if blind and somehow lost all other senses as well, and the shooting star began to fade in the mysterious fade of the sky. The two looked at each other and tears began rolling down their eyes, all romantic stories that they had heard in the past and all novels of love burst into their fragile minds, as though everything they had heard and seen in the past was all of a sudden starting to resurface. As tears rolled down their cheeks, they began citing, soft and miniskewl tears almost like a mini thunder storm rolled deeply down their faces and they wondered and perceived into the future about what this could lead to. As they stared into the darkness of a closed eyelid, electrons and protons and neutrons, atoms of enormous capabilities and magical mystery started bursting, almost like fireworks, every cell in their bodies, covered in love and bliss, as their lips touched in a beautiful echo of their past and what was to become their future. All of a sudden, the sky lit up in a wave of light, a bountiful beautiful enormous wave of light blinding even the most talented creature that lived on this planet. Even the man that could see the most wondrous things in life, the rabbit that could eat carrots for its entire life and see even the most beautiful things and could just see, plainly and simply. The light lit up like a wave of water crashing onto a building, it lit up like a candle on a stormy night. The two deer stopped, eating, stopped looking at random areas of space and just simply looked up at the sky, almost joining the humans in a distant, but relative way. The sky portrayed a beautiful almost gross image of everything that a sky has to offer, and the animals including the humans were absolutely silenced by it. Although this flash of light was a beautiful picture of wonder, after a few seconds it turned out to be another shooting star, focused yet energetic raging with joy and raging with love towards a point unknown. The shooting star flashing into the sky and burst all motion into a distant echo and disappeared into the night. All that was left to see for the humans and the dear was a dark night filled with white stars, and although silenced and showered with beauty at the image previously seen, they continued their efforts, the deer kept eating, the humans kept kissing, and the shooting stars sat in the corner of the universe patiently waiting to come out and bathe the world once again.

Black Hole

Reading opinions, seeing what people have to type in this life it seems like there has been one opinion that i've come across a lot.. It is the opinion, or idea, that there are either ignorant men or wise ones. Now, the deepest of deep people, the silent, the enlightened, i find that they are the distinguishers, they claim to know of the ignorant, to know of the wise, and to classify and characterize accordingly. it seems that the artists express life more collectively. now, these are all big words, but these are the words that come to mind at this time.

maybe it is anger, maybe it is a need to flee from a life that i sometimes find sorrowful, but i think there is something ingrained in man that is much deeper then this surface 'wise' and 'ignorant'. In every decision i make, i recognize that there is sorrow in the world, there are starving children, there are holes being dug into the ground, there is death, agony beyond comprehension, or maybe not. but, as part of an act, as part of my play, i make the decision anyway. My hypothesis is that every man knows of this, knows of this pain that not just the women or the men, but the world is going through.

Maybe it is the word dispassion that has been cultured into me, but it is somewhat disheartening. It's almost as if i have gained merit, respect, i have gained a radiating glow that beings find attractive, a smile that shines... but i do feel that i have lost a childlike excitement. Maybe these words are just a black hole, maybe everything that is black is just a black hole, they say that our eyes are the gateway to the soul, and so the soul is staring right out through that gateway. When that hole stares at pure black, and colors are everywhere else except for that black, it is almost as though our soul is staring at a black hole, lost..

Maybe the scientific concept of a black hole is merely all the words that have been written or typed, all of the printed letters and pamphlets, all the luscious beautiful hair, the sky apart from the stars, or our clothes... maybe i have been so bombarded from nature that i have no choice but to live in this moment, or to claim to, and therefore have no choice but to say maybe, and not claim to know of how this Universe works. And, as from experience of reading the works of fellow typists, fellow bloggers, reading of the scriptures and of the worldly books, i can say that the reader most likely will understand yet not, and that only the typist will have an actual intimacy with what is being put into the atmosphere, who is me.

Although this post is a basic rant of the conceptual world that i find bleak, it could just be a shovel digging a hole into a hole that is labelled 'weird guy', or it could be a step towards growth, which is the way that i like to think of it as.

Honestly, this post is about a boredom with the words ignorant and wise, and familiarity and a annoyance with the usual, the spiritual texts that once were interesting.

But, i can also honestly say, that human life is exciting , interesting, and wild at the same time, and although I feel some way now, i have never felt this way before, and therefore completely and totally accept how i am feeling now.

as long as i keep the smile on my face, i will never look old, as long as i keep resting in truth, i will never grow old, as long as i keep loving and gazing into the eyes and heart of my elders and thinking of my loved ones as keepers of beauty and the substratum of my happiness, i will be joyous forever.. and the tunes of my soul and the sounds of God will shower me with warm water, and will bring and give and present to me the same bountiful feeling of getting sprayed will ice-cold water after playing outside as a kid.. and the woman of my dreams, compassion and intimacy, hands and fingertips, the color of our eyes.. the love of my life is my desire, & the love of my life is my pleasure.. pain.. she is the one and only and the stars and the sun so bright burning and blazing with sparkles and fireworks and bursts of light and as each burst goes off so does the chemical in my brain the releases comfort.. oh the cold days, my pained callous feet compressing snow closer to soil, my burned and strained and arthritic hands feeling , feeling more then any mans feels whilst intoxicated.. the love of my life is all that i imagine in my future, all that snaps to my sweet brain of the memories of the past, the walking to lunch from physical education, the celebration of the Master with my mother, the people and the ones in the situation that, oh, I myself was also in.. For, as i praise God so do i praise the people around, the person inside me, as i praise in every action in every thought and feeling, so do i praise the Master for in my conscious mind i see in every image the Master smiling with eyes pointed directly at me..

yeha buddy

long night of dishwashing... not even tired... probably a product of surrendering to the Divine in all of us. it seems like this is an ongoing theme in the mind... I have been observing it for a while now, maybe this is just from the knowledge i've received from people and all of the quotes i've red on the web and on facebook, but I am beginning to think that these words are starting to sink in.

i'm listening to music right now - probably one of the reasons i am writing this post. i think that i tend to lose all online inhibitions when i'm listening to music, it's as though whatever comes to mind just comes out on the computer whilst listening to music.. this could be just an illusion. but, i think it's for the best.. just expression.. i will look back and be happy.

but - back to the energy... it's somewhat strange, i meditate twice a day and energy is unfathomably unlimited, i don't need monster energy drinks or caffeinated drinks or speed or anything, in fact even the though of taking those things puts me in a discomfortable situation. yeah yeah, i'm not superman, i don't claim to be similar, but looking back on today it's as though i got up and just ENERGIZER bunnied everything. in fact - i will write the summary of the day's events.

i awoken, to read from some holy scriptures (yeha, that might sounds weird, but we all do it at 1 point or another), and i did some spiritual practices (yeah, you know, where i just sit and calm the mind [body] spirit.) I learned all of the spiritual practices from my Mom and the Art of Living Foundation, Sri Sri Ravi Shankar teaches sudarshan kriya, and this meditation practice called Sahaj Samadhi. It's really quite profound and amazing, as a child i always though of meditation as somewhat strange, but also cool, but as i was taught what is actually practices, i began to understand and actually enjoy doing it.

Well, the basic idea is that i go into deep rest, and that pretty much sums it up, best possible simple explanation. So, keeping this in mind, i went on to the rest of the days activities.

i went to school and did an extemporaneous speech, having only three minutes to prepare i regard it is extremely successful, the topic being 'friendship'. i split up the words 'friend' and 'ship' and said something about the ship setting sail and landing, and i got a big applause and i felt really happy afterward. then, i went to another class and busted out a 100 wpm test, then came home, meditated again, and went to work to dish wash for 5 hours. so, it was quite a day, and even now, i don't feel tired.

This might sound somewhat arrogant or something or douchy, but i surrender it all to the Divine, and just let things be, whatever words i write are OK because I forgive myself, mentally forgiven, and also people around me that make impressions good or bad.

And so, listening to the music given to me by a coworker during a secret santa exchange (thank you so much for this indie awesome playlist! [you are attractive]), i decided to write this blog post, and hopefully in the future i will keep doing it, because i like this blog. it's nice to have another website to go to other then facebook or yahoo, and i guess it is also nice that i no longer play world of warcraft, al though that was a very fun game. shout out to my cousin living in chicago, also my dad, mom, kitchen chef..and many people.. if you guys know who i am then: YAY!

good vibrations

in love

The brass horn of a trumpet sounded through the hills. A majestic roar of humble horses, drummers beating the leather to dust, blasting into the seemingly endless space of hilly, grassy terrain. Wind blows from tree to tree, sheep to sheep, reminding them of the delicate ocean that lay miles away. People gathered around a small clearing of bushes and a field of grass and sat down. The wind blew through their hair and into their ears. A gentle cry from a nearby horse rang out as though a bell had just been rung, but lightly, very lightly... As they sat down they began pondering the sky.. The clouds. The sky had not rained in days yet the rain seemed undesirable for them, at the moment. They were very contemplative, almost like children who had overtaken a quiet spell. The nature of what mood they were in, after frolicking the fields and nearby forested area, brought them to a very still, statue-like order, although their thoughts were not so still. A brisk smile rested gently on their faces, portraying a deep rest, entertaining to any nearby onlooker a scene of gentle thoughts, positive ones as if stacked onto each other like the construction of a log cabin, Each log, delicately, positively simple, each orderly placed creating a concrete, homey log cabin. as seconds glided by, their bodies began moving, like a soft twitch, a small bird was inside looking, formulating strategies to get out. A finger softly petted the grass, along with the bare feet gently stroking through individual blades of grass. as insects began recognizing the scent of sweet creatures, an adventurous will overtook them, and bugs of unknown race began journeying to find food for the energy of a days work. The wind began pushing, like a boxer and a punching bag, its strength began growing although its purpose unknown.

As the wind grew in passion the clouds got darker, moving faster, and the trees rustled and moved to each measurable force of air. The leaves created a soft noise, and for the resters, created a joyful balance to offset the partial anger of the wind. The bugs seemingly jumped at the weather's prompt surge, responding in a timely manner simply by moving faster, picking up the pace. The soil underneath each blade of grass prickled with excitement, in nervous anticipation of the smooth yet constant touch that is brough by a rain storm. As the wind grew in energy, so did the bugs, and the trees began blowing from one place to another. The restful youth started looking into each pair of eyes, as though they also knew a storm would come, being in such a delicate yet natural state. One of the three girls stood up, abandoning her pose of lying on her stomach with her head resting softly in her hands, observing each blade of grass. As she stood up, so did both girls, as did both young men, with the delicate feeling of inspiration. One of the girls, as she had been sitting Indian style with hands resting lightly behind her on the ground, eyes directed at the sky, took a deep breath: inhale - light as a feather exhale - as she started prouncing for about four seconds, she quickly looked back at her friends with a look that is worth a thousand words, but most importantly exclaimed to the four other youth: 'Let's Run!'

Thunder snapped through the sky like a knife stabbing a pillow, and a sewer by trade refilling it, sewing it back together. Soft yet bright fits of lightning changed the shade of the leaves and the sky, creating a natural neon color that was so recently being observed by the restful youth. Trees blew in the direction wanted by the wind, and as the bushes began moving so did the five youth, as the chased after the young girl headed towards the woods. Although their run was slow as a brisk jog, their minds were completely centered in the moment, almost as a blender filled with the fear of the storm, the anticipation of the rain, the health of youth un-tainted by the adventures of teenage hood. A blender filled with these feelings & thoughts ready to make a vibrant smoothy, in the process of making one. The soil prickled up and the leaves turned over, the trees although emotionless became overcome with enthusiasm. As the five children entered the small wooded area they had once explored, they looked back and observed a down pour unlike any other, droplets of water unique but un-point-out-able, for thousands upon thousands of rain drops landed each second spawning wonderment and divine awe in each youthful soul.

Thoughts on Existence

as i have been being in this world for many years now, well, about 19, i have come across many people, many thoughts and ideas, many musical instruments and vibrations coming from the computer that have projected a rhythm. i come to blogspot on this very night out of pondering, out of questions... out of mere wonder of what this world and what this existence has in store for me and every human being. as i have been meditating for almost two years now, or at least have been in that state of awareness (have felt joy and healing with the power of closing the eyes and embracing thoughts, inhaling and exhaling), i have come to question some of the concepts brought forth from people that are not my parents. also, not just from the period of time that i have been meditating, but the entire life, i have come up with some concepts on my own. as i look back to an extremely eventful [at least in the brain] , life, i recall that i have experienced the roller coaster that is mood swings, although arguably not the most intense one.

although i have kept it from being on paper for the longest time, as some past experiences are so deep and personal that i felt they are unsharable, i am now letting it go, letting all inner brain workings come out on the computer screen. now, i recognize that some of this is just a matter of the fact that i could have been in a state of extreme toxins, or that i am currently hiding beneath a curtain of fear, but i think the opposite, that all thoughts, all actions, and all images and forms of light are projections of God, or the Divine, or What?, or Consciousness.

now, what i just said might have been a little unfamiliar, or it may have been familiar, just caused a little discomfort. i understand this, as when i am watching videos, or reading, and i hear or see these words repeated many times, i start to feel a little unsettled. one thing that i believe to be true, is that all people all humans are dealing with similar issues, in that although i may not be diagnosed with schizophrenia, i have met and talked with someone who is [or considers them self to be one] although i may not know it. now, this may cause some confusion, (as it does for me), as i have not fully grasped it, but that my problem, is also yours, as we are both living in the exact same moment- and in this moment, if i am asked how i am feeling NOW, or i ask the mind how i am feeling NOW, i experience no thoughts.. it is as though i am feeling nothing, thinking nothing, just living,... being. and, with this, i go back to the previous statement that what one human experiences is on the exact same scale as another, in other words, that man is in the same boat as I am, we're all in this together, he doesn't have it worse off, etc.

Now, this might seem like rambling, but it comes from a Human Being who was in a mental hospital, diagnosed with bi-polar, with thoughts ranging from this to that, left to right, blah blah blah but it all is very deep and profound.

let's start with the first thing - left and right. left is interesting as is right. one of my most profound memories is when i was walking home one day, i had just ran laps and laps around the high school track, (about 13 as i remember, each one about 90 seconds with about a 45 second break for water and walking), and i would do deep breathing with each pace of running, something known as ujaiy (a breathing exercise) breath. after it was over, i would get a little bit of water, give the body a nice little massage, meanwhile thoughts as loud as ever before, and continue pacing around the field. finally, after this many, thinking my coach would be mad if i stopped, as he had said earlier that we should go as much as we can, i started walking away to pick up my shirt. then, a mormon, or a fellow student who consider's them self mormon, runs up to me and says, are you sure you want to quit? this is when i do not recall whether i quit or not, but after this experience, i had to walk home (about 4 miles, as i was unable to get a ride). the entire day, i had almost less then a liter of water, and i started walking home, no water bottle in hand. also, as i recall i had just a bite of a sandwich, and a little bit of trailmix to eat (this is all i remember eating the entire day.) so it was about 5 P.M. in the nighttime, i was walking home with colorful sunglasses (as i had seen the wresting coach wearing the previous day, during cross country practice), and i took a bite of the trailmix, a few peanuts. i gagged on that single peanut, although only throwing up a little bit, and continued walking. after about two miles, i was feeling transcendental, and i took off my sunglasses. then i began realizing things about left and right. i was walking on one of the sides (either left or right), and i started realizing that at one side, people would look at me one way, and at the other side, people would like at me the other way. now, this might seem paranoid, but it was truly profound at the time, and remains with the mind today some of the thoughts that came up during this period of truly brilliant thoughts, feelings, and pondering.

Left is change, the liberal, the artist, the one who wishes to make change and the one whom is a rebel, unhappy; at that time i realized that left is the one who is unhappy but has a cause, a cause for peace, a cause for love, a cause for something and the left is the one who wants to live in a fashion that is sacrificial to self, but ambitious for humanity, left is the man stares into existence and ponders life, unwilling to live it but only to ponder it, only to come closer and closer to that realization of What life truly is, although unable to actually Do it.

i was walking from one side of the road to the other, from the sidewalk on the right, to the sidewalk on the left, and back again.

as i was on the right, i was doing what i was supposed to be doing, conforming to the rules society put forth, looking at oncoming traffic and having my back against traffic also in the right lane. this brought thoughts of cross country [and i bring connections to cross country and driving], people who run have their backs to the ones behind them, and are looking straight at the ones in front of them. this brings thoughts of capitalism, conservatism.. financial people, business men, truck drivers.. right is the concept of people living their lives, having fun and not giving a crap about social reform, hunger, well-being of any people, and doing what's in the best interest of the Self. now, as both parents (to the best of my understanding), consider themselves liberals, democrats, [or at least they claim to vote in that direction], i often question whether right is for me or not. i think of right as what is right, doing acting and thinking what is good and what is on the right track, not giving in to peer pressure and things of that nature.

so, i walked back and forth, one side to the other, and as i observed the expression on peoples face i realized more and more about right and left, these two polarities. because.. at the time, everything made sense, every thought that was a form of the english language, was a revelation bringing a higher understanding of life, bringing me to a deeper level of spirit then the person looking at me, 'judging me.' and although this might not make sense to the reader, it does to the one writing it, and that is what is so intriguing.

right and left are extremely beautiful, although i have come to understand life as a non-dual One, and often have thoughts and feelings of oneness [although it sounds transcendental and mystical and beautiful, is merely just Being in the Present Moment,] everything that is seen and smelled and heard and touched and tasted is exactly the same, it is just the lightness of the thoughts [weight-wise] and of the Being, and also what thoughts are actually coming to mind.

and, although it might just be programming by 'culture' or 'america' or 'the society', i sometimes choose to think in terms of right and left, and it may not be as profound and revelatory (probably because i am not epically dehydrated, filled with toxins and unable to eat even a peanut), but still brings depth and understanding. when i choose to think in these terms, it always makes sense, but it does take me away from the being, from the non-dual One, the Self, but it always makes sense... I often think of it in terms of things that humans need, have a natural thirst for: music, food [maybe because these are the words that surround what i do in life.]

i work in a kitchen, constantly listening to music, also play the guitar on occasion and recall some of the most blissful moments in life happening with music. also, i am constantly eating (breakfast lunch and dinner), and food tastes good, also humans really need food in order to live.. so i see and think of food as one of the most important physical aspects of life, along with music.

so, with the guitar, there's on the left - fingers that are making chords (this is what is beneath, the creator of the love, the unseen unmanifest creator of the sound.) also, even further left then this is the tuning things, [the things that you or i turn to tune the guitar], and these are even deeper in that these actually tune the strings of the guitar itself, without these basic functions the guitar is useless, and so these are even further the Creator, even further the unacting, just almost as a hand holding a puppet, not the rod that controls the fingers legs and head of the puppet, just the hand that turns and twists to control the rod. so, this is the left side of the guitar, and only for beginner guitarists (me), chords like G, Am, E, these are all on the left side, and are held for strumming. so, slowly we work our way to the right, ( I will get to the middle, probably the beautiful aspect of music). In the right, is where the strumming happens, this is the purely active aspect of music, the strum strum strum, i dont care about pain im just going to strum and pick, traditional aspect, i do this over and over only to create the sound that is wanted from the left side, from the chords. so, the right is almost just the doer, the strum over and over so i can hear different tunes, but also the right side (the strumming) can make variations on noise level, can be either light , soft, or loud, etc. so the right side is beautiful in itself, it is not just strum over and over, it secretly has aspects that are subtle and beautiful. so...

the left and right sides of the guitar, and then the middle. in the middle the strings vibrate and in the very center of these polarities the strings vibrate to make noise and slowly but surely the left and the right come together to make sound that is delicate and from the core of Being.

so, a good question to ask the Self often i ask is.. what if we just strummed without holding a chord, what if we just held chords without strumming - this brings to mind, what if there were conservatives and no liberals - liberals and no conservatives, communists and no capitalists, capitalists and no communists? now, my pondering of left and right started out of inconcievable misery out of toxins too powerful to even conceive of at this moment, but it was this pondering that is in almost the same terms as that of the holiest of holy... now, when i think of these terms of left and right it all makes sense, when im standing to the left of someone they treat me like crap, and when im standing to the right of someone - i treat them like crap. it's almost in exact terms as liberal and conservative .. almost that whenever i argued with someone in highschool, i felt (as the liberal democrat), that i was the victim. that is where spirituality comes in i am able to forget these concepts for the Moment and just live life as it should be, or as I prefer it.

so, what i learned from this escapade of typing, and what you may have learned is: i should go to bed, get some rest, meditate in the morning and hopefully be one step closer to being closer to Being, loving existence more and more, and being another step closer to marrying someone, being in love, finding peace and looking towards it... I will love someone and be able to ask them to marry, be able to make love and to conceive a child, yea i will for i imagine it, it is existent in my brain therefore it will manifest and if it doesnt so what !

but anyway - this spawns out of a couple years of meditation and being surrounded by the knowledge of saints and gurus and yogis and holy people and God, so it could seem to you like useless rambling or, if you are in a state that is similar to what I was in back in the days of the beginning of Cross Country, then all of this is uncovering the Matrix of the universe and the world and every little pixel from the exit button to the comma to the desktop screen saver makes sense and is a revelation.. so , i hope you enjoyed and that this further helps and brings us all closer to peace and love and happiness!!!! because thats what its all about, right?